it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
