my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
