I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
