I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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