So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
