i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
