my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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