The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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