I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
