I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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