last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
