I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
