call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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