i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
