i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
