we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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