Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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