i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
