you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a search helicopter?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
