we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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