No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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