Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
