Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
