I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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