Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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