I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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