Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
