I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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