i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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