Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
NoShamevember. You game?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
