would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
