we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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