the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
