oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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