On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
