When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
