I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
