Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
