when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
