How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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