Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
