Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
