what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
