I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
