drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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