that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
