Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
