Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
