i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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