saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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