is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
