I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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